Quantum Happiness Series- Responses and Roadblocks
“A productive conversation gives both
partners an opportunity to be heard and respond in turn.”
Copy that
When communicating in real time, it is important to let the speaker know that we are listening by using confirming responses, which are physical and verbal cues that the message is being heard and decoded.Confirming responses include:
· Paying attention· Asking pertinent questions
· Nodding our heads
· Making eye contact
On the other hand, disconfirming responses signal to our communication partner that we are not listening nor decoding their messages.
Disconfirming responses include:
· Asking unrelated questions
· Silence/indifference
· Interrupting/monologuing
· Changing the subject
· Looking away/ being distracted
· Fidgeting
Let’s listen
A productive conversation gives both partners an opportunity to be heard in turn and respond to comments.
To fully listen we must suspend internal dialogue and send confirming responses. In other words, stop broadcasting and listen. When there is a pause in the conversation, keep quiet for a moment to see if the other person may have something to add.
Easy as 1,2,3
I worked as a journalist for two decades and often recorded interviews to preserve quotes and context. Very early in my career, I realized that when I was just about to get the quote I needed, I would interrupt the speaker and spoil the quote. So, I made a conscious effort to keep my mouth shut and count to three before speaking.
It’s amazing what people will add when given a chance to complete a thought without interruption or distraction. Once I got the hang of being quiet and letting the other person completely finish, I found my best quotes in those last few moments of an answer.
Disastrous distractions
Distractions come in two forms, internal and external. Both are barriers to productive communication.
Internal distractions include:
Anxiety
Hunger
Discomfort
Pain
Pain
External distractions include:
Noise
Crowds
Phone calls
Texts/ notifications
Multi-tasking mishaps
These distractions, as well as a host of others, divide our attention and make us less effective communicators.
Some of the most common distractions are often disguised as multitasking:
· Answering emails while having dinner with a friend,
· Posting to social media while exercising with a partner, or
· Sending a text during a meeting.
But the myth of multi-tasking is easily debunked:
· First, say the ABCs.
· Then count to ten.
· Then multitask the two i.e. A,1,B,2,C,3…
This simple exercise illustrates what happens in the brain when we multitask. We get both items accomplished but neither has our full attention, so it invariably takes longer to accomplish them together than independently.
Engagement exercise 1:
List three things that you currently multitask.
1. _______________________________________________
2. _______________________________________________
3. _______________________________________________
Now try to do these tasks independently and evaluate whether multitasking saves time. If so, are you sacrificing quality of life and relationships to multitask? For instance, even if you are effectively answering emails while having dinner with a friend, what did that do to the quality of time spent with your friend?
Engagement exercise 2:
List five internal distractions and five external distractions that you did not see in the text.
Internal distractions External distractions
1. ______________________ _________________________
2. ______________________ _________________________
3. ______________________ _________________________
4. ______________________ _________________________
5. ______________________ _________________________
Vacay Q&A playlist: Responses and roadblocks
Sources and resources:
Video: MindToolsVideos-
Improve Active Listening
Video: Halelly Azulay- Why
You Should Stop Distracted Listening
Book: The Zen of Listening by Rebecca Z. Shafir M.A.
Website: Quizlet.com- Confirming and Disconfirming Responses
Website: Uproxx.com- How to Listen
This has been an excerpt from the Everyday Vacay e-series.
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